I'm single...

I've realised that everytime i probably like a fella....a next one comes...lol....so i'm planning to stay single and not rush anything....i hate breaking ppl hearts...so ....... yay for me!!!!

Life is just the way it is...

haven't updated my profile in a while...

welll life has been going great......my ex-boyfren an i are just frenz.........life is nrmal...i have gotten closer with one of my frens....he liked me a long time...but "long time" i had a boyfren.....

Anyway, he's not like anyone of my last boyfrens....he's not the party type......he has the same interests like me.....he's like always in church and real fun to talk to....he doesn't get vex fast and stuff...he really cute too...and i overlove his love for God.

Anyway....home is goin ok...just celebrated mom and dad bdays.....it was really nice...movin bak into my house next week....

yea....everybody good....lol

So much for my happy ending:(

So much for my happy ending............

Verse One
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high on such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be..........

Chorus:

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending...........

Verse Two
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the stuff that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be..................

Tag
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Thanx to Jamille Coy....

Lord I need You - My heart calls for u

Oh my lorsh.....I don't know what to do anymore..move on? don't? just wait? It's just killing me inside. Lord please me. You know how I feel about this. What to do? All this confusion..all this mess.....my depression...my tears..my new enemies...

Where's my smile when I need it? This is so fustrating. (crying)

Intercol was so uhhhhh!! :( ...and did he really want to talk...is he lying?
What to do Lord? My heart can't take this anymore...

The Black and White Birthday Card

The card that was given to me by the boy i really really like for my birthday... It's adorable....hm...now I wonder...so many things..if he really meant what he wrote...orrr???

Ahhhhh....House Renovation

My family is doing Renovation on our house and well because of our allergies we couldn't stay so we had to move out. Now it fustrating cus first we moved to Vistabella and then to Plaisance Park. Yeah..And then school started and we were too far so we had to go by our grandpa...then more moving...

So anyway, I survived all the drama...but one thing that eats me alive!!! My mother quarrelling about the House. My dad got one of his really good friends to build our housee...but my mom can't appreciate that. The house ain't even finish but all this quarrelling, "I don't like this and that." (wait until it finish!!!) gosh....on and on she quarrels...sometimes i feel like telling her to shut up but how could I? She's my mother.

Anyway the house hasn't finished as yet but she stills carry on....and why does she? Cus nothing pleases her.. Then she and my dad always quarrelling...more her....and always try to bring us in it.

At the end, dad is always right...we can't be so focused on a material thing that we forget that its not really about the home....but the people who make it.

So I try to keep that as something for my mom to remember. Yea. Well we're in October so we most likely moving in at the end of the month.....All this drama might stop...maybe...

Oh yes....sigh

Now I'm still up and I can't sleep. This is so weird. I just ended my friendship with the boy I've wanted to be mine. Why? I have no idea...ok I lie.. I'm fed up of trying...yeah...I mean obviously if we want to keep our friendship..aren't we supposed to be like talking and still bonding..now tell me whenever he calls...I mean....whenever I call....we hardly even talk...its like we are two UFO's silently trying to talk...And well he pulled it off last night with "MY COUSIN CRAP." But I didnt really bother...I lay down on my bed and listened to some music on my ipod. Yeah.. an i was just praying to God to help me understand this part of life..i asked for forgiveness and then checked my mom outside who happened to be on the computer.

Anyway...I went back in my room..I looked for my **Friends 4eva Box** to remind me of my friends and the things they wrote and gave to me. It made me feel so much better...And I even saw the pretty black and white card I was given by the boy i wanted to be mine. I watched it, read it, pondered on it and then placed it back in the box. Then one of my teachers before she left she gave me a little envelope..with lots of things in it...(miss deusy):)...she wrote a letter for me....made me feel so much better. Waw....

So yes I know God is helping me through. I know I should be sorry for saying the thingz I said but at least its off my chest..but if i don't know if he's hurt..but if he is God please forgive me...

Well i going back to sleep...

My Ex Best Friend

I really liked this boy..still like him but the sad thing is he's my ex best friend...He actually introduced me to my ex..lol...Anyway, me and my ex did like eachother for about 2 years... but everytime we broke up..i'll call his best friend to help me...So this year February...my ex and I weren't together anymore..I jus let go of him..didn't say one word..just couldn't handle the "always talk to me" and "can't have no friends" to the "only changing for me." Yeah its annoying.. But who told me do that...The boy's heart was broken..but I just told him sorry....I felt forced to say I love You or even to kiss him...and i didnt want to!!! i'm serious...HE WAS JUST REAL HANDSOME...U know u could like someone but that don't mean you love them...yep...it was my first bf anyway...but i just think i rushed everything...but he needed to grow up...so i just let go of him...no more of him...life was easier..an i was more focused on God....

So after that I was just single. Just enjoying life to the fullest..Then I started to talk to my ex best friend more.. I knew his best friend since childhood.. but we weren't as close as how we were after letting go of my ex...So we talked and stuff on the phone, saw eachother in church, and he was like a really great adviser...he was so nice...like a boy any girl would have wanted..someone who can easily get up when he falls and best of all A LOVER OF GOD!!!

So anyway, my sis football team was having this Cruise on Treasure Queen...and I was invited and was given an extra ticket...So I gave it to my ex best friend...That nite he came by my house so my parents could drop all of us to the place.......Now wait before I tell you what happen next...my ex found out that I was going some cruise and that I was carrying his best friend...he was so angry...he also said he felt betrayed but hear this.... his mom end up by my house 1 minute after we left..yea...

So anyway I sat next to my ex best friend in the bus....we were talking about stuff and laughing..jus chilliing..all that until we reached to our destination.

So we waited a while then went on the boat..it was around midnite so it was a bit cold....U know what was so cool...we both wore black, without even planning it...lol...so anyway we went on and well music started to play an whatever...we were just talking then we searched the boat...it was kinda crowded so we found our perfect spot..the front of the boat..lol...romantic huh? lol...but nothing happened..we were just talking............ until he wrapped his arms around me from the back while I was facing the water...an he lay his head on top of mine...that moment...... waw...I was..speechles....hm..it was so nice..i loved it..i felt so relaxed...if u knew how i felt...u probably think its weird but it was a good feeling...something new...

So we limed and laughed an talked until we were ready to go back home..... on the bus he sleeped away on my leg..he's so adorable when he sleeps..then...I realised I started to like him alot...(yea i knw...he's my ex best friend) but it was an opportunity and I wasn't gonna let it disappear... He came home by me that morning an slept by my house...that was so cool...yea..obviously we sleep on separate couches...but i don't think he realized i gave him the better one..lol...anyway i found it sweet to sleep opposite him.....yea and oh i must compliment my mom's wonderful breakfast she made b4 we went to sleep...

So after that..we started talking even more..then for a production at his school...he called me to be in it..the fact that they needed dancers...so i accepted...The production was so good..but it thought me alot of stuff though..but we didn't talk much..the fact that we were both busy...Anyway after all the practice..it was showtime....It was so much of fun..one night of the production though...I was waiting backstage... 2 dance..probably 3 scenes then mine....so he was there..so i decided to pull out his rag from the bak of his pocket...bt he jus took it and walked away..hm..I got up an walked inside wondering if i hurt him..I went in my dressroom and sat down.. i didn't even know he was following me and he came and sat down opposite me...i told him how i was feeling and he said he wasn't feeling well..then he hugged me...i was shocked...but the hug made me feel alright...sniff sniff..

So the production went on..until the last night... who say celebrate??? lol.. it had an after party...so I went by my friend...change and well my ex best friend got someone to pick me an my sis up..such a sweetheart..so we were in the car..me, my sis and him.. he in the middle... i sitting on the left of him. So the car's moving then all of a sudden i feel this hand around my waist...awwww....:)....

So i reached the party...i felt like a movie star...every1 wanted a pic with me..waw....(i'm not vain..lol) So I went inside..jus chilling..talking to everyone and my ex best friend...

So we just sat and talk and by around 2..we supposed to get a ride home...we got no ride..but we were near sando so we went there for a car... NO CAR....lol...So we had to walk from San Fernando to La Romaine(where he picked me up)....yes... but it wasn't so painful... I liked it...cus after 5 mins I realised I was holding hands with my ex best friend...so we had a long long walk.... during that time we were talkin laughing...then i got a kiss on my hand...then after a while...a kiss on my cheek(butterflies in my belly) lol...

So i arrived my destination...he was staying right by a friend in the same area...i hugged him..wanted to kiss him but....yea..lol.....and went inside....Jumped on the bed and just did what all girls do after the best time of there life (a big smiling sigh)..........I started to fall in love with him...uh oh???

So we were close as ever....so close........ummm..i wonder if to say this..ok we were together now...yea...we were so excited..then after a while I felt like I wasn't ready...he understood..so we liked eachother and was still close....So in July..(2 months after that)..we decided to help out in VBS...a bible school thing for children....we weren't in the same catergory...but we saw eachother each day for the week...

So on July 15th- 2nd day of VBS....I remembered I sent him a message on asking to get bak together..but he didnt get it...so I made him read my OUTBOX and then he did he told me yes.... so we were together for real now...july, august- Oh YES!!!! My ex mother invited me to go down the islands with them..it was ok....until my ex started playing "TAKE A BOW." Yeah..it hurt..so i started to cry..yea.. then he came an hug me up an took me outside...he told me sorry about how he had been acting and whatsoever... SHOCKED WAS I!!! but I had known what I wanted in life and I told him .......well he knew I liked his best friend so I told him "jus friends for now." He was okay with it..at least thats what i thought...hm? So anyway after a few days me and my new bf broke up (i thought i was wasting my time...although i knew he liked and loved me..but i felt like u know..he didn't want me..but he called and called and i didn't answer...yes..i felt bad...then i think i called back or i answered his call and we talked it out...then i was back together with him) I love him so much....

And then......SEPTEMBER....THE MONSTER MONTH.....my ex was getting real vex with us both...and told me a whole set of crap....BOY DID IT HURT ME!!! I LOVED MY LIFE UNTIL HE RUINED IT! BUT I GOT WHAT I DESERVED, RIGHT? :( but i told my dad the situation and he told me...it's not my fault...things happen...and sometimes the weirdest things happen for people to grow...and my ex had to grow up.....so its ok to like him my dad said...

Daddy, my role model...tellin me dat!!!!!

I was like WHAT!!! I BLAMED MYSELF!!! Daddy was wrong! But he kept on reminding things happen for a reason....so i guess he was right....

So you know...my new bf and I was tired of it all....I was feeling like he was hurting cus my ex was hurtiing...so I decied that we would take a break..and let them both mend their friendship...I was hurt too..but it i kept it up inside...plus he had cxc..(big thing) so yea...:(

I just didn't want to watch what God had blessed me with...float away...and you know what sucks....after a while we didn't talk much anymore..

I really missed talking to him..I missed it so much I sometimes cried myself to sleep....Wondering why is this happening?? Everytime my cousin went down sando or my sis... i'll ask if they saw him.....then if my mom is in the mall...i'll ask her....

Then my knee happened...:( he called me because i went for surgery.. I ENJOYED TALKING TO HIM...JUST HEARING HIS VOICE....then my battery died!!!!!!!!!!!!!...GOSH ! WHY! I WAS ENJOYIING THE MOMENT...I WAS ALONE , SO TALKING TO SOMEONE WAS WHAT I WANTED..ESPECIALLY HIM!!! But i realised that it happened for a reason... God was knocking on my door:) We had a great conversation...me and God:) until the Fat nurse came in my room and give me a shot on my butt...lol...but God was still there:)

So we are in October ,aren't we? Me and my ex friend don't talk as much.. i texted him so much..no reply most of the times....and then i heard this crap...i call it "MY COUSIN CRAP." Yeah....my cousin was telling me that she and him was together...when i was thinking he told me that we'll probably get back together nxt year.....but he told me it wasn't true.. yeah about him an my cus...
No lie..i was kinda relieved...i knw we not together..but it'll still hurt me if he together with someone else....i pretended not to care when deep down i wanted to know everything!!! I've believed him all the time..why don't I now right?

I've always been a nice friend to him...why is this all happening? I really really like him...first time I 've ever felt like this....

He always tell me how come i know he's the one for me.....or how there may be other dudes out there for me...And i've figured it all out....

??????????????????????

There are other dudes out there..I know...I have so many opportunities...but I've realised that we are not cloned...we are all not the same...and God knows how much I like him and especially like him for who he is... and what he stands for....and the question how do I know he's the one for me???? Ans: No one could answer such a question.....but I know I want him to be mine.

True Success

There were two men going for an interview at a big company. The two men arrived at the same time at the place and quietly waited for the manager. "Good morning, said the manager, Mr. Lopez will be first." So Mr. Lopez and the manager entered this big office and they both sat down. "So tell me why I should pick you to work for me?" asked the manager. Mr. Lopez replied, "Sir, I am a really nice man and I have all the subjects qualified for this job.. I am just right for your job. I try by studying plenty and just being myself. I will be the person you want me to be. I am a willing person who has patience and is not quick to get angry. I am perfect for your job."

The manager replied, "Ok sir, I'll see you in a few minutes. Please send in Mr. Gorlie." Mr. Gorlie pleasantly stood up and entered the room. "Good morning Sir," he said to the manager. The manager replied, "Good morning to you Mr. Gorlie, have a seat.So tell me, why should I choose you to be my assistant?" Mr. Gorlie smiled as he began. "Well sir, I will firstly say I am a Christian, and as I read my Bible and get closer to God, I adopt some qualities that may be very useful to help customers. I have done well in school, got the subjects required for here and also a degree in Science. This was done with the help of My Father above. I might not be as good as the other person in education but I do have a committed attitude to the things I do. I do not fret about things but try to figure out the solution to the problem. I am transformed by God and in this I can be able to do well if I get the job." The manager smiling with joy in his heart replied, "You're hired Mr. Gorlie!" They shook hands and both smiled at each other. "Thanks a lot sir," Mr. Gorlie replied.

As Mr. Gorlie and the manager walked outside, Mr. Lopez in anger shouted, "BUT HOW, HOW CAN HE GET MY JOB! HE'S NOT AS EDUCATED AS ME...HE SAID IT HIMSELF!!" "Mr. Lopez, this is being quickly angered, and this is not what I expect of you. I want a person who not only has education but a pleasant personality and you fail to give me this." Mr. Lopez stood there feeling really stupid. The manager continued, "Better is a man that reaches his Success with the help of God and makes a change in Life, than a man who reaches his success by himself, beats his chest saying he is perfect, and does not make one change in life. It's True Success that get a person somewhere in life and True Success is only achieved with God. " The two men were both amazed by this saying, yet with different motives. Mr.Lopez apologized and then asked about "Who is this God? They all sat down and talked and after a few hours Mr.Lopez gave his life to Christ. Remember this so that it can help you:

T-trust/think ___________ (Trust in God and Think before you leap.)
R-right/ reality ____________ (Do what is Right and open your eyes to reality.)
U-unique _____________(Be Unique- don't try to follow everyone, be true to yourself.)
E-exact _______ (Be exact in what you do.)

S-superior _____________________ (Be superior- work hard to become great.)
U-understanding _____________(Understand what are you aiming for - think.)
C-complete _____________________ (Complete all your tasks. Don't delay them.)
C-confident __________(Be Confident in yourself. Remember God also has Confidence in you.)E-endeavour ___________________( Show Endeavour. Write down your goals)
S-sensation ______ (Be sensational. Be aware of things keeping you back from your goals.)
S-subsequent ______________(Have a mind of subsequence. Don't just stop there. Continue succeeding.)